Brother Lajos - God Rest His Soul

At this time we had a baby brother Loy (Lajos). There was a beauty contest for infants in our town of Nadudvar - sure enough our six-month-old baby brother won the beauty contest! One rainy day, when Loy had teething pains, my father held him on his lap. He wanted to chew everything that he could reach and my father wanted to ease his gum pains, so he took out a round watch from his breast pocket and urged Loy to chew it. Suddenly, I said, "father I can do it better". I tried to bite his pocket watch, but instead got a sound slap on my face from my father. It was hard for me to understand why I was not allowed to do something that he offered so generously to my baby brother.

Our parents, my brothers and myself, deeply loved and spoiled this little angelic baby brother! We hung around him every chance. He happily smiled at us, and we enjoyed his short span of life. He tried to make us all happy.

One day in early spring, my mother covered him with a warm blanket and took him for a walk in the courtyard for fresh air. He was coughing slightly. A short time later, I was awakened at around midnight by his strange, heavy breathing. I was not yet four years old at the time. Without thinking, I said: "father don't you hear the strange heavy breathing of Lajos?" I was so frightened without understanding; it was a deep sense, an instinct of the soul of child and the connection of love from one to another. Lajos, my beautiful baby brother, became sick with diphtheria. In no time, my father was up and dressed. Within minutes he came back with Dr. Domokos Layos (or Oskar?). Silent and frightened, I stared at myself for what seemed like forever. I remember the cruel verdict: "it is too late - why are you calling me just now?" And I remember, too, how angry we, the children, became. Judging him wrongly, my brothers and I swore at him; we thought he did not want to help our beloved baby brother Lajos, and vented our anger by calling him some nicknames. He probably understood our reaction and just disregarded our chit-chat. I am sure he was sorry, too, that he could not save Lajos' life.

The next thing I remember uncle Rezso was staying with us. A little later, we children were taken to Aunt Roza's house (this was probably when our beloved baby brother Layos' funeral took place). When we were allowed to come home, our house was very sad, the aftermath of death hanging in the air. There were no smiles on our faces, our little hearts filled with sorrow at the loss of our dear baby brother Lajos.

Both our parents sat low on a mattress placed on the bare floor. It was a very sad show. People came to our house to console us and share with our parents during their inconsolable grief. It left my mother inconsolable in the years to come. It was heart rending to see one's parents in times of sorrow such as this. This was already the third child that our parents lost, all of them less than one year old. But I remember only this one - when the two others died I was too young a child to remember. What strange memories to recall from my early childhood.

© David Muskal, 2001